With new children in the ministry and many to connect to now, I’ve been thinking about How To Small Talk With Children….. here’s a not too serious (but hopefully helpful) way I do it…

Before you small talk with children, ensure you enjoy vision of children freely connecting with you. No matter how bad it is now, you need to believe that it is possible and that you have victory over your nerves and fears.  If a child is on the hyperactive side, the more you need to believe that he is a human being who need understanding and someone to converse with respectfully like anyone of us.

STEP 1.  Don’t be scare of them. If you are, pretend you are not.
It’s harder to feel confident than to look confident. So try looking confident and chances are when you look confident, you somehow feel confident. If you project a courageous and controlled countenance, it’ll help the child be secure and confident talking to you. So take a deep breath and walk confidently to the child….

STEP 2. Do something intentional (like ask an open ended question)
If you are looking the part, start doing the part. If you get nervous easily, hold something, a toy, a stick or something that you can intentionally have with you (eg. I always like to hold my cup and sip) If your nerves show in things you do with your face or hands, you will strike out. Another good way is to intentionally go down to their eye level. Do something intentional that is confident to solicit a respond or conversation with your child.
a) Things you can intentionally do
-  Hi fives, Low fives, baby fives and other iterations
-  Punch him softly on the cheek
-  Pat on the back and say hello
- Use or create a secret handshake
 b) Things you can intentionally ask…
- Hey, buddy, how are you? <give him a friendly punch
- You don’t look happy/sad? What happened?
- How’s your week?
- What happened to you last week?
- Tell me about your exams?
- Did you eat a cow/pig this morning? Err I mean ham/bacon

STEP 3.  Anticipate 3 types of responses and act accordingly
a)- If response is vague or interesting, ask another question
- Tell me more?
- I don’t understand what you mean? Are you saying……?
b) - If response is positive, do a ‘Wow’ remark and affirm your child
- Wow!, you must be proud of that
- Fantastic! you really did a great job there
- Amazing! You did that? You must be the man!
- Great!, now I know who to call if I need someone to eat my breakfast.
c) - If response is negative, do a ‘Bummer’ remark and reflect how you think the child might feel.
- Bummer, now that’s sad, you must feel really down.
- Oh dear! thanks for telling me. How do you feel? are you okay?
- Oh man! you must be sad about this. But I’m sure God will help you

STEP 4. Be prepared to end with a smile and a bye!
Yeah, this is small talk, you are not counselling or teaching them maths, so if the talk is not getting anywhere, end it. Do not give the child a chance to feel uncomfortable with you. Smile and say ‘okay, enjoy or enjoy the service!’ and move on (to the next child). You can almost do anything if you know how to be friendly and wacky. eg. “Can you excuse me cos I need to go to the toilet.. psshh.. <whisper> I need to change to my superman costume, you know, the one with the underwear on the outside?”.

If you are talking to a new child, a good way to end is to turn back to the child and asked “So what’s my name?”, “Do you know my name?”.  Make sure he/she knows your name and encourage him next week to come and look out for you. They may forget but it ok, this talk itself makes the child feel special that you care to talk. The key objective of “small talk” is to make the connection so that you can connect deeper later on. With the type of small time given to us on Sunday, we really need to home run with our small talk with children.